The post exam trauma

Ok so my exams are finally over. That's a great relief.

But with the end of it comes the start of something equally bad, if not worse.

It's none other than the terrifying results. Yup, that's another fear altogether. Trauma to be exact.

Though we all know that nothing can be done to the results as the exams are over, there's still this natural fear and anxiety inside us that constantly reminds us that the worst is yet to come. I try very hard not to think of the results that will haunt me but somehow I just cannot accomplish that. Everytime someone starts talking about my recent exams, this horrifying thought of me not performing up to standard penetrates my mind, and pokes itself so deeply that it causes me endless worries, leaving me questioning in vain what the hell would happen if I did badly.

Well...perhaps Ms Lim would comment on my report card writing: "Ian has slackened tremendously this term and he needs to buck up on his studies. "

Perhaps my grandparents would nod their head in dismay saying: "Ian, how come do so badly? Last time your papa exam that time will lock himself up in his room and study all day...he always get good results one...always top three in standard. How about you? Whole day play play play never study see lah now results so poor..."

Perhaps my parents would disappointingly remark: "Ai yoh what happen to your studies?! See lah...always so careless...later you don't do well VIP will reject you..."

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaphs. Maybe things will turn out like this. Or maybe not?

Or will my ever-understanding, caring and loving classmates (people like Andrew, Wei Liang, Mu Yao and so on) comfort me and assure me that I did rather well? Actually, as a matter of fact, they did.

Andrew said that I would not do so badly. Oh well I suppose he came to that conclusion just because I have been grabbing the first or third position in class from sec 1 to now. (For the record, I got 1st in class for sec 1 SA1 and SA2, and 3rd in class for sec 2 SA1. )

Ok ok I know what you are going to comment next: This stupid idoitic Ian has a damn freaking big ego leh...I know he clever lah, but don't need to hao lian (be proud in Chinese) and show off right?!

Relax friend, I'm not being a proud asshole or anything but it's just to prove that I have degraded from the first in sec 1 to third in sec 2. That's a bad thing. (Actually it's partly thanks to the cur who joined us this year and is supposedly smarter than me. )

Above all these burdens there's this constant "reminder" by my dear darling friends that I'm leaving for VJ next year. Maybe the word "reminder" is a big understatement. Neither can I call those "pleasant" comments jeers.

Perhaps its their way of expressing how much they miss me when I leave. I honestly don't know...really. But the only thing I do know for sure is that I will miss my schoolmates as much as they will miss me.

A few days ago after school at the canteen when I asked Hin Kai if he saw miao, he replied by blasting relatively loudly in my ear, proclaiming "I know you go IP already lah! You good lah! See I never even get in..." I stared at him, lost for a second. What the damn hell has IP got to relate with finding Mu Yao? I mean...that was a completely irrelevant and uncalled for answer. Or should I say remark?

However, I do sympathize with him too. I fully understand and comprehend the "dejected" feeling. It affects one's self-confidence and morale. That I realise, and more. The utter disappointment upon knowing that one was not selected for IP after all the trouble of begging teachers for CCA records, filling up the long application form and writing a personal essay is perfectly normal, and natural. It's not an easy fact to accept either, especially after sitting through the tough admission test and paying an extravagent 50 bucks for the surprisingly shockingly easy General Ability Test (GAT). So Hin Kai, if you still feel so bad about this IP saga, go ahead and cry. And if you think that I'm fortunate to get into VIP, go ahead and admire me.

*oops* What the hell did I just say?

Lol. Personally, I did not expect myself to be accepted into the programme, let alone pass the damn "chim" admission test. Really. I did not expect myself to be selected. Really. Honestly. So it was truly a very pleasant surprise when I received an sms one Sunday morning congratulating me on my successful application to VIP.

Ok I've strayed off topic...

Back to the recent exams...today was the verification of marks for all subjects. Now let me announce (humbly) that I have, once again, for the second time in this year, clinched the third place for overall class position. (Do I hear applauses? )

Ok so I have done well, in comparison to the class standard.

In comparison to my own very high standards, I have done so so damn freaking badly. The number of careless mistakes I made is more than the number of hair strands I have.

Mind you, I'm not bald or botak.

For the record, the time now is 4: 11 pm and 28 seconds. Guess what, I'm still in school.

To be exact, the AEP media lab. The heaven filled with power macs. The heaven where you can surf almost anything you want in the comfort of air-con. (I don't know about porn...) But above all, the heaven where ONLY, I repeat myself, ONLY, AEP students have the privilege to indulge and enjoy in.

I think this is the first time in my life too that I'm blogging on a mac. And if I'm not wrong, this is my longest post ever.

But I'm about to leave soon for home, now that the heavy downpour has ceased. Finally the sky decided to stop peeing. Finally the sky decided to brighten up. Finally, I've finished my longest post so far. Finally, I'm going home.

Finally, that's all for now.

Scream Out Loud!
Ian