Showing posts with label Army. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Army. Show all posts

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Trust your tools

Impressions of Light (2)
Image copyright Ian Ho 2010


Everything's alright cause I am on your side
And if you need to you can hide in me
Cause all you need to know
I will never let you go
I'm the lover of your soul


Brandon Heath is just such an AWESOME AWESOME songwriter!! I really loveeeee his music so much.. it's the kinda music which goes beyond superficial, beyond nice tunes and catchy drumbeats to really speaking the truth. I don't know, I guess his music resonates with me because many issues mentioned are pretty much what I'm dealing with. It's so uplifting, encouraging and inspiring. I could lie on bed enjoying air-con doing nothing but listening to his songs, especially the slower emo nemo ones :D So the two must-listen albums are What If We and Don't Get Comfortable. Pretty much love EVERY track in there.

All you need is a sunrise
Just a moment of dawn...

... Just a little more time the sun's gonna find you



Things have been better this week, training tempo slowing down for a while - finally some time to catch my breath. Still questioning, still seeking, but at least I'm in better spirits. Besides being called poster boy in camp (thank you SUTD), I'm smiling more and actually having great fun with my section. It's the same realisation that no matter how tough training is/going to be, as long as awesome people are alongside you in it, it will be fun and thoroughly enjoyable.

So yesterday was our navigation test for the CSB badge. Second time there; we did a similar navigation exercise there last week. Of the three day checkpoints we were assigned to find, the third one (Quay) was the same as what we got last week. Having found it once, we were pretty confident that we could replicate the success again.

Set off around noon, with no fancy technology other than a prismatic compass, pacer, laser pointer and a map which reflected nothing but a generous chunk of green with contour lines. With just these simple tools, we started bashing up knolls cluttered with thorny bushes, thick vegetation and dead-fall, overcoming the obstacles one by one till the pacing showed we reached our destination. Then we would begin our frantic search for the checkpoint - a small board nailed to a tree. Yes, it's finding a needle in the haystack.

By God's grace, my team found the first two checkpoints. All we were left with was the last checkpoint - Quay, which we found the week before. We walked there, brimming with confidence that we would find it again with relative ease. In fact, the six of us were so sure of Quay that when we went down the knoll, we didn't even use our compass or pacer to navigate. Trusting our instinct and vague impressions of trails we took, we relied on our memory and intuition to find Quay.

If the vegetation was distinct enough, it might have worked. But unfortunately, every tree there looked like any other tree, every dead-fall like any other dead-fall, and every trail like any other trail. After blindly bashing around for some time, we started to get frustrated. After all we did find it before, why not again!

To cut the story short, we failed to find Quay. Uh. Dejected faces we wore as we headed to the day end-point... the prospect of full marks and a pizza treat was over. Reflecting back, the grave mistake we committed was to abandon our tools and stupidly navigate based on hazy impressions of where it is.

Intuition failed us. Feelings weren't accurate. Memories weren't reliable.


Why I'm relating this is because amidst the disheartened faces and low morale, I saw a parallel between navigation and living the Christian life. This simple incident opened my eyes to a bigger realisation about how we are with God many times.

We are often like that aren't we? We like to navigate and lead our life based upon our feelings, our human emotion and warped ideas about what's good and bad or right and wrong. Not that these feelings should totally be disconsidered, but many times they fool us. Like how I should have trusted my tools at all times, we should live our life trusting in the infallible word of God.

Don't base your decisions or view of God based on what you feel. Rather, base it on the unchanging truth.

When He says His love for you is deeper than the deepest seas, it really is!
Even if you don't feel it.

When He says He is fighting for you and is always there with you, it really is!
Even if you feel lonely and feels no one sees your tears.

When He says you're free and the chains have been broken, it really is!
Even if you feel trapped by the circumstances you're in.

When He says He is good all the time, it really is!
Even when you feel everything's falling apart.

When He says you're beautifully created in His eyes, it really is!
Even if you feel you're not good enough.


Lead your life based on God's truth, that way, you won't get lost.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Questions

Image copyright Ian Ho 2010
Daddy, have you been waiting for me?
I've been running for far too long now, my body is aching and I really need a break.
Can I sit with you and have a cup of coffee?
I really miss you, it has been some time since we talked.

Daddy, why does it keep raining these past few weeks?
Where's the sunshine, puffy clouds and clear blue skies?
Why is it all shades of grey?
I'm afraid of the thunder and lightning - I can't seem to sleep during the storm.
See, even the flowers outside are withering. Will they be fine? It's hard to find time to water them.

Daddy, your love for me is beyond my wildest imagination and deeper than the deepest oceans and bigger than the biggest mountains, right?
You do know the longings of my heart, right?
Why is it that everything around me seems to be falling apart?
Why do you keep on taking away the things that I cherish most?
Why do you make life so painful, bitter, full of suffering and struggles?
Can't it be just a little easier?
Why is it that you give and yet take away?
Just what are you doing inside of me?
It feels like chaos; every step seems harder to climb, every moment seems darker.
Can't the storm clouds part for a while for the golden sunlight to shine through?

Daddy, how do I deal with these feelings of disappointment and failure?
I know I can't do it by myself, but surely you're strong enough to carry me right?
Why is it so hard to wear a smile on my face?
After all you said that it'll be alright eventually.
Then why is my heart still racing in fear?

Daddy, come and restore this broken heart, come lift my spirits up.
Help me to see beyond the pain and suffering to realise that it's part of growing up.
Help me to see that you're the closest when I'm hurting and crying, when all around me is darkness and I can't see where I'm heading.
Help me to see that you're the peace within when I toss and turn in bed wondering what tomorrow brings.

Daddy, it really isn't easy when I'm battling the storm.
But I know, when it's over, I'll look back and say thank you, for faith in the light is born in the dark.
In the meantime, I just got to hold on tight.

Won't you show me the answers?
Your son is waiting:)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Stay on track

Stay On Track
Image copyright Ian Ho 2010 | Snapshot on the way home, simulated film grain in photoshop

"Do you see what this means — all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running — and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed — that exhilarating finish in and with God — he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message)

I pass by this park connector every time I walk from the bus-stop home, but I don't know why this signage particularly caught my attention today. I glanced up, contemplated for a second if it was worth a picture, then whipped out the nifty fifty, waited a while for the cyclists to appear, snapped, and continued my walk home.

As I walked, I kept repeating the 3 words "stay on track" to myself, and then naturally I asked God why. It's as if He wanted to tell me to stay on track. Truth is, I don't quite know if it's Him or just myself. But as I pondered over a simple signage, Hebrews 12 about running the race came to mind - and I think the way the Message phrases it is just so apt and relevant to me and where I am now.

As I'm reminded to stay on track, let me remind you to stay on track too! Don't veer off the path, keep your eyes fixed and focused. We'll get there someday.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My God knows, and He cares

Dreamscape
Image copyright Ian Ho 2008

Pardon me if my writing is incongruent or a little bit wonky because that's what I am now. It's approaching 10:30pm, my eyelids are shutting, fatigue is setting in and I'm here all alone at company office doing my CDT duty. My dear COS is washing up, and every 10 minutes or so someone pops in asking for today's SOC results. Sounding the mousehunt horn every 15 minutes is what's keeping me awake, and I dread spending the night in the freezing cold of the office on a safari bed.

As much as I've accepted the fact that ASLC is God's plan for me, truth is I've been really finding it hard to put a smile on my face these days. I think I'm a bit more grumpy, more pessismistic and just in low-spirits... outfield every week, failing SOC this morning, not being able to go to church for the next 2 Sundays - it all adds up and this heaviness in my heart just doesn't seem to go away.

But He has been speaking still, assuring me that He knows exactly what I'm feeling, that when I'm downcast and sad, He sympathises and cares.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 NLT

Despite all my emo-ness and what not, I want to tell you today that GOD CARES FOR YOU. (Yes you might be thinking I know this since sunday school as a kid, but do you really know it with your heart and not just your mind?) Because He made us, He knows exactly our emotions and state of mind. He grieves when you grieve, so when you feel that no one understands the situation you're in and how screwed up life is, remember big Daddy up there does!

I'm trying hard to put a smile on my face right now, but there's a mysterious power of a smile - somehow you feel a little happier, and all's gonna be alright.

Friday, September 3, 2010

To Him the future's history

Walking by faith, not by sight.
Image copyright Ian Ho 2010 | Walking by faith, not by sight

Today marked the end of BSLC, the end of 8 awesome weeks in Pasir Lepak camp, and I also got my posting today. While some were jumping joyously upon being posted to air force and MP (aka the slack life), I wasn't that pleased with getting ASLC. Nope, didn't get artillery that I wanted... and so in typical American idol fashion when we were grouped and it was announced that I'm coming back to echo coy, my heart sank.

I asked God WHY WHY WHY ASLC. Weekends burnt, tough training, Taiwan... it won't be easy at all. I don't know what to expect next. 13 freaking weeks to endure.

On the train ride home, I was listening to Miracle of the Moment... and then God spoke through the lyrics, that very same verse which assured me before I enlisted assured me once again:

There's only one who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be

And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history


I may not know the challenges that's coming my way, but heck ALL i need to know is that a) God has a plan for where I am, and b) to Him the future's history. I just have to wait and see as He reveals why over the weeks. I told myself, there's two ways I can choose to react: either worry, panic and curse or let God's peace fill me as I trust in Him. And I'll choose the latter, for worrying will not add an extra hour to your life, will it? (Matthew 6:27)

I'll choose to walk by faith and not by sight, cos my daddy has it all under control. He doesn't make mistakes!!

To whoever who's reading this, whenever you think life has taken a wrong turn, or things aren't going the way you want, remember that there's a reason for everything and nothing ever happens by chance. God has a perfect plan for you and you just got to trust that's true. Choose to see the positive, because what has happened has happened and worrying won't change a thing.

It's time for letting go
All of our if only's
Cause we don't have a time machine...

...and this is the only moment
we can do anything about.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The crystal ball

The Crystal Ball
Image copyright Ian Ho 2010

Sadly, there's no crystal ball in life. Only He knows what's coming up next around the bend... cos to Him the future's history.

Trusting my posting after bslc all into the hands of my good God.

After all, worrying is a form of atheism.. I'm just praying that wherever I go I can be the salt and light to those around me, haha and I secretly hope to NOT get aslc!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Made for relationships

Relationships
Image copyright Ian Ho 2009

I've wanted to do a sort of reflection on BMT but never quite had the time till now. Block leave this week has been a blast thus far - Monday spent with section mates at Ubin, Tuesday with trackers, Wednesday with Photosoc and church... and finally today, with God alone at home.. Deliberately set aside time to catch up with big daddy and sit at His feet once again, and it feels awesome to do nothing but take it slow and recharge spiritually.

Of all the things that army has taken away from me, I have learnt one important lesson: that life is simply much easier lived with people walking by your side.

I know it sounds kinda stupid, but really I just can't imagine going through the past 2 months alone. It would simply be torturous. The 2 months was difficult, but I thank God for the people who supported me throughout BMT, the encouragement, prayers and SMSes made army life much easier knowing that I'm not alone. It's weird that being away from home 5 days a week actually drew me closer to my parents. I guess it's when you're away that you start to value the things that you miss: friends, family, freedom and even God.

We were all made for relationships, and I realised through army that walking along with someone else, and knowing that there's people upholding you should you fall, is just a much safer and wiser way to live. I see this truth illustrated during route marches. Route march is BORING, where we walk and walk for eternity with heavy field packs on our backs, but because we're doing it together as a platoon, its more bearable. If one person lags behind, there will be someone else to spur and push him on. We look out for each other, and ensure we finish the march together. And it's the same for the Christian life. I realised a community of Christian friends is so important, because we all need encouragement when we're down or going through a rough patch.

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 best summaries this:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.


God made us for each other; He made us so that we could show Christian love to those around us... and now that I've completed BMT, I just thank God for all the people He has placed around me to support me and keep me going. Even those simple 'how r u?' SMSes mean a lot to me in camp. Just couldn't do it alone.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Each day

New Day
Image copyright Ian Ho 2009

Taking each day at a time, that's how I'm living the army life now. Things are getting somewhat mundane; I'm going through the motion everyday just to get over with each day. Like this sunrise image, it's so similar to every other sunrise image taken by everyone. There's nothing different, nothing stunning or spectacular about it. Army life is becoming more and more like that. Badly need a fresh perspective from God.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The route march week

Marched a total of 37km this week!!!

Never walked this much in my life before!

Also had the BIGGEST blister ever in my life after 12click route march for sitest. Measures approximately 5cm by 4cm on my right heel and it totally freaked me out!

Thankfully, by God's grace, it healed in time for today's 16click march. Just for the record:

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Countdown: < 1 day


12 hours more.

Before reporting to Tekong school 1!

I'm actually kinda excited about it, and I'll try to keep an open mind and be optimistic about it. But before I start on this new journey, I think it's good to wrap up the last 4 months of civilian life by saying that Trackers was really an experience that I will cherish for a long time to come.

I really thank God for enlisting so late, because otherwise I wouldn't have got to meet my wonderful Cebu team!! I will cherish those crazy times we spent together in Cebu, and really I miss all of you after Trackers ended! I really thank God for placing the Trackers people in my life, for bringing me on missions, and for the opportunity to grow deeper in my faith the past 4 months. The lessons learnt and experiences gained will serve as an encouragement for me whenever I'm going through tough times in NS. I've walked long enough with God to know for sure that my life is in His hands, and that He's always beside me and for me, no matter the circumstances.

So I want to start this new journey by looking back at Trackers and saying THANK YOU Lord for the friendships forged, the memories shared and the faith-lessons learnt!

Indeed I wouldn't exchange Trackers for anything else, it really was the best way to spend my pre-enlistee life!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Countdown: 2 days

Peek-a-boo!
Image copyright Ian Ho 2010

2 days more.

Many people ask me if I'm scared to go in, and hell yea the answer is yes. I'm scared about the physical training and torture, about adapting to a new routine, and just the uncertainty of what lies ahead. I peek out from the comfort of life now and I don't know what to expect next.

But I don't think I'm worried or troubled about going in. I once heard the saying that worrying is a form of atheism. I'm not worried because there's this inner sense of peace knowing that He's by my side. And actually I do look forward to meeting new friends (hopefully good ones) and starting new friendships.

But for sure I'll miss home, photography, my Trackers group, and my dear teddy bear!

There's only one who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be

And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history


Miracle of the Moment, Steven Curtis Chapman